Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hi, My name is Noface and I'm a Politicaholic!

I swear that politics is like the new crack for a lot of people out there. This election season has brought out a level of excitement and passion that American Politics has not witnessed in...well...ever. For Democrats the future lies with Jesu--I mean Obama, while the Repubs are touting Tina Fey--I mean Sarah Palin, as the second coming of Hilary Clinton (George Bush is more like it). We're all out there looking for the next bit of positive news about our candidate while scouring YouTube and our favorite blogs for the new dirt on the other side's candidate. Folks who never even voted on American Idol are out there in the real world, on news sites, blogosphere, and other parts of the interwebs ( yes, I made that word up), are going around like fiends looking for their next political fix. People want to find out as much as they can. As an addict myself, I must say that this level of involvement is not necessarily a bad thing.

All you new junkies out there have to be careful though (take it from someone whose been on this stuff for at least 10 years), as with all addictive substances, you could overdose on politics. The results are not pretty, indeed they can be down right sad (P.U.M.A anyone?). "But Mr. Noface, how do I know when I've OD'd on Politics?" You don't smart guy! Addicts are never able to appreciate when they've had too much. Your friends however, will be able to tell if you've gotten too crazy with the Oddballs in the Situation Room while shooting up pure AC 360 (that's some potent stuff), by looking out for the following symptoms...

1) Irrational Hero Worship!
(As far the world knows, Obama can not heal the sick, give sight to the blind, make the lame walk, the dumb speak, or raise himself from the dead three days after being crucified)
(Hockey Moms are not the next stage in human evolution, hell if you are a hockey mom, you probably don't even believe in evolution)

2) Irrational Excuses Made In Light of Your Candidate's Shortcomings!
(A bunch of well written and delivered speeches will not add one iota of experience to Obama's resume)
(Mavericks do not tow the party line 90% of the time)
(If someone is running for President or VP, he or she had better know what the hell the Bush Doctrine is, so don't get mad at the interviewer just because he caught your girl slipping)

3) Feeling Like Someone on Your Side Got a Raw Deal So Voting for the Opposition is the Only Remedy!
(I'm sorry but that is retarded)

4) Talks of Succeeding From the Union Should the Other Side Win!
(C'mon, you didn't do it in 2000, you punked out in '04, and you're not going to do it this time either)

5) Talks of Leaving the Country Should the Other Side Win!
(see #4)

6) Claiming that Relating to the Candidates is More Important Than Issues!
(If you exhibit this symptom, you should be smacked)
(The President shouldn't be a Regular Joe like you or m--well, just you. He should be a cut above!)

7) Going to the Pushers at Fox News to Get a Hit of Their Inferior Product Just to Keep the Monkey Off Your Back!
(this right here, is rock bottom)

If you exhibit any one of or a combination of these symptoms, your friends should abduct you, send you off to a secluded place, cut you off from all forms of communication that could get you in contact with anything political, and keep constant watch over you as you sweat and convulse, while that politico-high leaves your system.

That being said enjoy these videos while you detox....


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